Redefining Success: Why Hard Work Isn’t the Whole Story (And What Really Matters)

Success isn’t just about hard work. Redefining success on your own terms leads to deeper contentment, connection, and peace.

You’ve heard it before: “Success is all about hard work.” But what if that’s not the whole truth? What if the hustle culture we’re sold is hurting more than it’s helping?

Some time ago, I watched a video that said success - by definition, wealth and business success - comes down to one thing: hard work.   “I’m not lucky, I just work hard” the coach said. “So, if you want success you need to grind, hustle, and make it happen.”

And, you know, I got that sting in my gut when something is not quite right.  And this got me thinking…

What if the relentless glorification of hustle culture is one reason so many people feel anxious, inadequate, or like they’re failing?

And what do we do about it?

The Privilege Problem: Why the Playing Field Isn’t Level

Let’s address something first. The idea that everyone has the same shot at “success” is, in a word, capitalist BS.  It ignores privilege, access, timing, and (yes) luck.

It ignores the woman building a dream business with financial backing, childcare, and a head start - compared to the single mum working three jobs just to keep the heating on.

It ignores the kid from a well-connected school and a supportive family versus the one surviving a chaotic classroom with no safety net.

It ignores someone living with health conditions that have an adverse effect on their day to day responsibilities as opposed to someone with access to the best medical care society can offer.

Because, where we start from and where we are matters. 

And, pretending it doesn’t only fuels burnout, imposter syndrome, and a sense of personal failure when we can’t measure up to the highlight reels we see online.

The Cost of the “Boss Babe” Lie

Believe me, you're not alone if you’ve ever felt that we’re constantly being fed the message - even in a world of financial mayhem - that we should be:

• Living our “best life”

• Taking numerous luxury holidays a year

• Dressing like influencers

• Manifesting six-figure incomes

• Winning “Mum of the Year” while running a business and meal prepping quinoa bowls

  
  

No wonder so many of us feel like we’re not enough, frazzled and overwhelmed.

So let me ask you this, has that influencer who repeatedly tells you that you need to manifest more and buy their course for a large amount of money actually worked harder than someone surviving domestic abuse, parenting solo, or managing chronic illness with courage and grace?

It’s time to stop comparing our behind-the-scenes to someone else’s filtered success story.

Let’s get Personal

Here’s the truth: True Success is personal. 

It can’t be measured by anyone else and seeking approval from others or feeling “better than”, never works.  Believe me, it’ll never bring you peace.

The approval we seek has to come from within.

So, ask yourself: What gives me a feeling of peace, contentment and joy.

Maybe it’s:

• Knowing you have that one true friend that you can call on instead of 1,000 followers

• Sticking with your weekly yoga class (hey, I see you!) or making time for regular self care in a world that demonises rest

• Getting through a tough day sober, stable, or just making it

• Having a moment of peace in your heart, even when life feels messy

  
  

These are the victories we don’t always celebrate - but they are huge.

And, no, this isn’t about “settling” or diminishing outward achievements.  By all means, it’s important to continue to dream big, manifest wildly, and reach for more. 

But it has to come from a place of alignment, compassion, and authenticity—not from fear or comparison.

Because, reframing success equals reclaiming your power.

When you define success by your standards - not society’s - you start to feel contentment, confidence, and connection.  You start to breathe again.

When I Got Sober, I Thought It Was All Over

I remember the early days of sobriety like they were yesterday.

I felt like my life had ended.

I was angry. I was full of resentment. I couldn’t see anything to celebrate.

I felt like a complete failure - like I’d missed my shot at the kind of life other people seemed to be living effortlessly.

Someone (strongly) suggested I start a gratitude list “Write 10 different things each day you’re grateful for”, they said.

To be honest, it felt ridiculous.

How could I be grateful when everything felt like it was falling apart?

But I was sick and tired of feeling miserable, so I gave it a go.

Gratitude Changed Everything

At first, my list was basic, things like “I made it through the day sober”, “I have people around me that love me”, “I laughed”, “I slept”, “I ate 3 meals today”.

Small things. Easy to overlook. But slowly, they became my anchors.

And over time, the habit of gratitude has softened my harsh inner critic.

It interrupts the loop of comparison - the feeling that everyone else is thriving while I am (even now sometimes) just surviving.

Gratitude brings me back to myself.

The Science Behind Gratitude (Yes, It’s Real)

If this sounds too spiritual or “woo”, here’s the science:

Studies from institutions like Harvard, UC Berkeley, and the Greater Good Science Center have consistently found that practicing gratitude improves mental health, sleep, relationships, and resilience.

• A 2003 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that participants who kept weekly gratitude journals reported fewer physical symptoms, more optimism, and better sleep.

• Brain scans show that gratitude practice activates areas of the brain associated with dopamine and serotonin—the “feel-good” chemicals.

• Over time, gratitude rewires the brain to focus on what’s working, not just what’s lacking.

  
  

So yes, it’s not just a fluffy exercise.

It’s a tool for emotional recovery and nervous system regulation.

The Small Things Hold Everything Together

Life isn’t made in the big wins - It’s stitched together by tiny, ordinary moments.

And if we don’t notice them, we miss everything. 

So, if you’re struggling, or stuck in comparison, try this:

Write 10 things you’re grateful for today.

Big or small. Deep or silly. Doesn’t matter.

Then do it again tomorrow.

And the next day.

Do it, even when you don’t feel like it.

You’ll start to notice your mindset shift. You’ll stop measuring your worth by someone else’s story.

You’ll come home to yourself.

In a Nutshell

Success is not linear. It isn’t always shiny. Sometimes, it It’s a soft, strong rhythm that changes day by day.

Some days, it looks like simply staying grounded and alive, other days it’s experiencing or creating something that sets my soul on fire.

But if I had to define it?

Success for me is contentment and an abundance of love.

It’s noticing the details in the fabric of life and living with an open heart and peaceful mind.

It’s having real, messy, loving relationships.

It’s another day of sobriety.

It’s laughter with my family.

It’s the sun on my face during a quiet moment of mindfulness.

It’s staying soft in a world that wants to make us hard.

So, what’s one small thing you’re grateful for today?

What are your wins, just for today.

Leave a comment below or join me on Instagram @nathaliemanning108 to continue the conversation. Let’s redefine what success really means—together.